Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
