I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
