Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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