She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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