I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He uses pillows to masturbate.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
