you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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