i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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