it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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