Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize