Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
