Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
