I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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