Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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