Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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