Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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