seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize