My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
