you guys were way drunker than both of me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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