You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
