And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm passing your future prison.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
