it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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