I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
