For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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