Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
