I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
