I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
