I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize