You made me cry and you don't even care
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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