I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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