only if we run a train.
done.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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