Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
