Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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