____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
