I smell stomach acid.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
