I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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