She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
