Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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