I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
