Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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