Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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