Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
