Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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