Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
