i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
