K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
