Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
