the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
