somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
