Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
