the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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