the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize