plz talk dirty to me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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