dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
