I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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