oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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