did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
