i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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