he shaved USA in his pubs
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize