if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
