Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
