its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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