All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
