Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
