I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
